![]() Mad.**Skip That Last Shot of Liquid Courage ** I got in, drove back to the ends and went McDonald's drive-thru. ![]() I crept out at like 6AM, rafted back across the water to my car, which was surrounded by 30 people in lycra with a boom box thumping out deep house, doing a dawn aerobics session. Eventually, after another half-hour of him hanging around the kitchen outside her room, opening and closing drawers, he went to bed. In the end he didn't come in, but I had to listen to them rowing about the fact I was there for about 40 minutes. I'm on the other side of a thin unlocked door, like, 'shit, shit, shit', trying to get dressed silently in case he comes in, cursing this fucking weird little chalet bedroom for not having any windows to climb out of. I hear him muttering, "Who the fuck's showering at this time?" He opens the door to the bathroom and they start having a blazing row. Suddenly the front door goes and her dad comes home, three hours early. She asks me to come shower with her, but something in me tells me to decline. We open a bottle of port, barely chat and just have sex. We go to her room and she explains that her dad is a big drinker and won't be home until 3AM, and won't get up until after we've left, so I won't meet him and it's fine. We get to her chalet and it's quickly apparent that it’s her family home. Now we're on the other side on, like, a little island of wooden chalets. She starts winding some big metal wheel on a wooden post, which draws a little raft on chain up to the edge, and then does the same to a wheel on the raft to pull ourselves across the water. I park, and follow her to the edge of some water. It just kept getting bookier from there: first, she told me to meet her on a bench just up her road, then she directed me to a car park in a leisure centre and told me to park my car there. I wasn’t really in the mood, but eventually my dick bullied me into it and I got in my car and drove to some place with a TW postcode. While I'm trying to figure out what the fuck to do, it transpires she was just horny and wanted me to come through. I answered and she was very frantic, telling me I had to come over and help her because someone was breaking into her house. It was a girl I'd spoken to a bit on Tinder but never met. ![]() I'd got home from work one night, just had a shower and was about to settle down to watch Eastenders when my phone rang. Half an hour after that I get a Snapchat message from him saying, "Sorry I just had to pop shop," and that was it. Half an hour later he comes back and my housemate gives him the phone and sends him away. and one of them is like, "He's not coming back in this house," which is fair enough, but his phone is here. When he leaves I realise he's left his iPhone, so I go to my housemates and tell them what's going on. He gets up and puts it in his sleeve, gets dressed, tucks the knife into his trousers and asks me if I want anything from the shop. I pass him the baby wipe and just don't say anything, because I don't know what to say: there is a boy polishing a fucking machete in my bed. ![]() I'm doing my own thing on my phone, then he goes, "Do you got a wipe?" so I get a baby wipe out from beside me, thinking he wants to clean up a little, but when I turn around to look at him I see he's backed out this fucking HUGE knife – the biggest knife I've ever seen. After that he starts billing a spliff, charging his phone, making some calls, whatever.
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